In my first post, I more or less talked about “Controlling your own destiny”, in a nutshell. But isn’t that what we already do? Surely we make the majority of our decisions throughout our days, right? Of course! But, are those choices influenced by everyone around you? And if they are, how much influence did you have?
I believe that for some of us, our own influence is miniscule in comparison to those in our lives. Either through fear, or apathy, we trudge into whatever direction makes the least amount of ripples. Not in all cases of course, but some people truly aren’t the directors of their lives. Whether it’s their Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents, or friends, they listen more to the outside voices rather than their own. That voice that says things like- You know you aren’t going to like this. Just say it, just say no. You know you had other plans. But, you really want to tag along. Is that what I think it is? Scream to the heavens, just say yes, fool! But, because they don’t want to ruffle the proverbial feathers, they allow outside direction to take hold. I say these things from experience, and observation. Point of fact, I’ve only recently began to deny the outside world to claim the drivers seat in my life.
The consequences of having taken so long to do this, is that I do not know what I want. Right now I’m simply making things up as I go along, for better or worse. Instead of allowing myself to be pressured into going out, or taking a particular job that I loathe; I’m simply saying no. No. It’s a very powerful word.
I’ve noticed over the years that I’m the quintessential Chosen one in my family. In their eyes, that is. That alone not only angers me, but weighs me down. It’s never made me prideful, although I can see the merits in it. Though I was never the top of my class, I was consistently above average, if not a fair amount bored. I never make trouble for people, and I am responsible enough to take credit for my mistakes. I’m level headed and kind. Never greedy, and vain only in jokes. To them, I’m their last chance to get it right. However, I have different plans. Come Hell or high water, I will succeed. But, it will no longer be in the arena of their choices. Though they mean well, it’s not their life.
I’ll write until I’m better, and then write some more. I’ll play my music in the way that feels right, and then I’ll play some more. I’ll train my body and mind to accept all challenges, and I’ll do it because it’s in my plan. I demand it of myself. I’ll read excessively. Stay in when everyone goes out, play when everyone works, and work when everyone plays.
Simply because it’s my road to walk. My book to write. And frankly, they might get it wrong.
To be continued-
P.S: If anyone has thoughts that they would like to share, I welcome them. Recording my thoughts is… awkward at best. I’ll admit that it’s terribly fun though!