Over thinking

I’m told that this is a pitfall best avoided, forgotten about entirely like a piece of junk mail never even considered.  To slow your thinking, and live entirely in the moment so that worry does not overcome you leaving you too cautious.   But wouldn’t that subtract hope from the equation as well? What are we without that simple, illogical illusion, if not dull.

I’m told that

“over-thinking” is when planning leads to indecision or overreaction. It’s a biased focus on too many variables, ending with an unfair conclusion. The bias being your predominant fear, or hope relative to whatever subject is at hand.  The very soul of over-thinking, is worry I think. The worry of getting things wrong, or even getting them right.  Of missing the little nuances in speech that might have said everything, or catching them all and misinterpreting them.
But isn’t it a strength also? Can’t it become one at least?

I’m just rambling, but I am entirely guilty of doing just that.  -Overthinking like a crazy person-
It’s maddening ,yes, but at the same time it’s as natural as breathing.  I run scenario after scenario, either in hindsight or ahead of time to piece miniscule bits of information together in the hope that I’ll be able to paint the larger picture. I get mixed results at best, but I do it without even trying.  It’s as though the on switch is perpetually pressed, and I’m just a spectator.

So I write.  It’s almost like a mute button! When I create the stories, I’m able to turn that little nuances into reality, rather than be paralyzed by more questions.  Not that I would change my world if I could, but to see it more clearly would be a wonderful thing.  Being wrong isn’t a bad thing, it’s really very educational, but it can be debilitating. Some things you thought you saw so clearly turn murky in a heartbeat.  Hours of ruminating about something lost to confusion, and then there you are. Fuck.

I still hold it to be a good thing, and one of my best qualities. Frankly, I’ll spend an entire week trying to figure out the best way to make someones day. It may not, in the end, be a grand thing, but it would be as fantastic as I could make it. All because I over thought.

Then again I could be crazy, who knows? However, if that is the case, I am most certainly the good kind of crazy, and that is just as well.

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