A day in the life

Morning: I wake up at a crisp eight a.m to the bewilderment of my body. “Why? We got off work three hours ago you fool!” Confused myself at this strange turn of events, I am not surprised, because it happens a lot. As I procrastinate by tossing and turning in my nest, I wonder to myself is this better than waking up to find a person sleeping soundly next to me? I realize the answer is not an easy one, and on any given day it could be a yes or a no. On to the next thought.
Oh well hello, fancy seeing you here. Just kidding, this is my fantasy and it was through the power of my will & thought that you were conjured. (My current crush, sometimes plural. Sometimes they aren’t even real.) Begrudgingly pushing those thoughts out of my mind…pushing…those…wonderful…No, no, I must wake up. Slapping myself at getting carried away, for what was it…twenty minutes? Man, I could have been awake and cooking breakfast by now, or solving…things.
Now I’m stretched out in an X formation staring into the vast nothing that is my ceiling. At first not thinking of anything, just a semi meditative blank gaze, and then it hits me. I am completely alone. In my house. My…my…house. Mine! Well, apartment, but you know what that must feel like as a twenty something. It’s liberating, it inspires the imagination, it…, is fucking awesome! I decide I’ll spend the first few hours of my day completely naked then and there, and with that momentum I bounce to my feet, propelled by nothing more than the enthusiasm I just manipulated out of myself. (Turns out, mastering that is an art and wholly worthy of looking into)
I make my way to the bathroom vanity to do what every other person must do at least once. See if anything has changed, decide that it hasn’t, and come to terms with your glory. Brushing of the teeth, flossing of their crevices, and then the lovely burn of the mouth wash. Ahhh…now the shower. (Nope, you get none of this, it’s private and I am not always simply getting clean. What? It’s healthy, science has my back on this. And my front.) Now that I’m clean and err, “dressed” so to speak, I’m off to the kitchen! I rip open the door to the fridge to find…no breakfast foods whatsoever. Wow. I’m pretty bad at planning ahead. But there is steak and a plethora of fruits available, so I opt for steak, corn, carrots and a ripe granny smith apple. (It’s healthy…on some level.) Plopping down on my couch I surf netflix and hulu to find something worthy of my attention while the most delicious part of my breakfast cooks. (Oh yeah, that would be the steak.) I am already eating the second most delicious which is my main squeezes wonderful apples. Pondering my questionable lifestyle I settle on watching 30 Rock. The show is absolutely legendary, and I find my attraction for Tina fey to be unquestionably the most healthy part of my life right now. She’s a wonderful writer, actress, and woman. That fantasy dies quick to the realization of just who the dreamer is. A twenty five year old forklift operator that struggles between saving his money, and not being bored or hungry. Ah well, there are worse things to be and I think I’m doing quite alright in this life all things considered.

Ding – My food is ready, the show is starting, and I’m hoping no one comes to the door at ten A.M because i am very much naked. Wait a second…I woke up at eight….damn you Y chromosome! You take so much time away from me, I could be saving the world or something equally as normal and cool!

Next time: My afternoon! More food. More procrastination. More day dreaming. More nudity. 


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